


What Have I Done

by RECHerondale



Series: 9-1-1 🔥 [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Flirting, Jealous Evan "Buck" Buckley, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27197918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RECHerondale/pseuds/RECHerondale
Summary: When it looks like someone else is showing interest in Eddie, Buck takes matters into his own hands. Not in a mutually helpful way, though.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 9-1-1 🔥 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870432
Comments: 28
Kudos: 220





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy the story!
> 
> I appreciate all comments and kudos - and I reply to everyone that comments - so feel free to leave some.

As much as Buck and the rest of the team love their jobs and all that it entails, in a city as big and as crazy as Los Angeles, they've also developed an intense love for the more mundane calls; the ones where everything is more muscle memory and less scrambling around for a plan while inwardly questioning the mentally and logic of the situation they've been called out to. 

Simple calls, like a kid in a claw machine or smoke alarms set off by someone's less than perfect cooking skills. Hell, even the stereotypical cat in a tree is always a welcome break from some of the hectic, sometimes downright wacky, calls they receive regularly. So, a simple fender-bender involving three cars with only minor injuries and only one usage of the jaws to open the car door for the poor lady stuck in the car trapped between the other two involved thanks to the cars locking system going haywire during the collision - that should be a breeze for the team, a breath of fresh air after the summer of wildfire-related calls they've been dealing with all summer, but Buck just isn't feeling it.

With nothing left to do but pack his supplies after assessing the male driver involved for any signs of injury or concussion, he finds his gaze drifting around the scene, noting that they're all pretty much finished and just need to finish packing up and take it all back to the truck. He also takes notice of the crowd who've been sniffing around the sidelines of the scene since they arrived, asking questions and intently watching as the team did their jobs. His attention gets stuck on one bystander in particular, though, watching as she chats with Eddie on the other side of the scene where the other man was assessing the other driver involved once he and Buck had assisted Hen and Chim with gaining access to the patient and getting her out safely.

She's pretty, brunette, well dressed and sporting a more natural makeup look. He can admit that much. She's definitely not the type to have fallen for Buck's charms in his 1.0 days. But, for Eddie - she's exactly his type, Buck finds himself bitterly thinking. 

The younger man redirects his attention, determined not to let himself get too distracted, packing up the last of the equipment he'd used and zipping up the bag. As he stands, slinging the strap of the main bag over his shoulder so that his hands are free to carry other things, his gaze lands straight back on Eddie and the woman in time to see her rummage in her handbag before producing a pen and paper - maybe a receipt from something but Buck's too far away to tell.

Buck knows he shouldn't feel so slighted by the sight, Eddie isn't his and his best has mentioned wanting to maybe rejoin the dating scene - not that Buck's a fan of the idea but he's admittedly too much of a coward to do anything about it yet. The display makes him mad, that a stranger is hitting on Eddie - his Eddie - but he knows that he has no right to be mad about it. He should be happy. He wants Eddie to be happy.

But, why _her_?

Fighting the internal battle with his own emotions, he begins to make his way towards the truck with his equipment. Unfortunately for him, in order to reach the rig, he has to pass directly by Eddie and his lady friend that Buck is mentally berating for her brazen actions. 

"This is my number - call me sometime and we can go out -" 

Buck hears as he reaches the pair, seconds away from passing by them completely. He knows Hen and Chim are near enough directly behind him based on the footfall and quiet conversation he can hear from them, but he can't help himself from nabbing the number from the woman's hand as he passes, cutting her off mid sentence, and walking away with it clutched in the fist of his free hand before Eddie even has chance to reach out for it. He doesn't look over his shoulder but he can tell by the snickering from Hen and Chim behind him that they saw what he did and that the look on Eddie's face must be quite amusing.

He shoves the piece of paper haphazardly into his pocket long enough to put everything away neatly, ignoring the amused and knowing looks Chim and Hen keeps throwing him as they pack their own stuff away in a different compartment, before getting into the cab. Hen, Chim and Eddie are quick to join him in the back of the cab while Bobby hops up into the passenger seat, already directing the driver to head back to the station and beginning to call in that they’re off the roster for a couple hours to give the team a break.

Buck can tell that Eddie wants to ask about what he just did but he doesn’t know how to explain to the other man why he did what he did without giving himself away so he chooses to, childishly, ignore the issue and all of Eddie’s attempts to get his attention by leaving his headset off. It also helps him stay away from whatever comment Chimney is clearly dying to come out with at Buck’s expense. However, as they pull up to the station, he knows his tactics aren’t going to last much longer.

He leaves the truck and strips off his turnouts quickly, nabbing the phone number from the pocket he shoved it in and hiding it in his hand as he drops off his gear at his peg, just in case Eddie goes through it to look for the pesky bit of paper. He heads for the showers, another avoidance tactic and also because he really does need one, taking a fresh set of uniform shirt and pants with him to change into straight after. Once stepping under the spray, he unfurls his fist to reveal the number still taunting him in vibrant blue ink on it’s stark white background. A simple set of digits that basically tore his world apart as soon as they were written and offered to the man he wishes he had the courage to admit how he felt to. 

He feels almost sick satisfaction as droplets of water hit the paper, soaking it and weakening the paper slowly until it starts to disintegrate in his hand. He turns his hand, watching the paper fall to the damp floor and begin to get torn apart by the current of the water over the tiles before meeting the drain and disappearing bit by bit until there’s nothing left. As he steps out of the shower once he’s actually showered properly, standing by the bench with only his uniform shirt left to put on, it fully hits him what he’s just done.

He’s destroyed Eddie’s chance at meeting someone new and potentially falling in love because of his own jealousy. Because he doesn’t want to lose Eddie.

Not to her. Not to anyone.


	2. Chapter 2

“So, are you going to tell me what that was about?”

Buck barely pauses as he makes himself a snack, having heard Eddie approaching and expected the line of questioning. In all honesty, Buck had been expecting Eddie to confront him as soon as he’d gotten upstairs from his shower but the older man had, instead, left the whole incident alone for nearly two hours before finally cornering Buck while he’s alone. 

He doesn’t feel prepared enough to answer the question yet but he knows he doesn’t really have a choice since Eddie has that determined look in his eye that indicates he’ll keep picking at Buck, questioning him, until the younger man gives in, so Buck knows he might as well get it over with now. He knows he can’t play dumb about the question either since there’s been no other incriminating incidents it could be in reference to since _that_ call, and both Hen and Chim would be all too happy at the chance to throw him under the bus and back up Eddie in his interrogation.

“It was inappropriate considering the circumstances,” Buck finally replies, having waited until he was finished making his food before getting around to answering the question. Eddie seemed content to wait him out anyway. 

“Oh, so it’s perfectly okay if it’s you receiving the phone number but totally unacceptable if it’s someone else?” Eddie asks incredulously before nodding with a bitter laugh. “Okay, I see how it is.”

“No – it’s not like that.” Buck denies immediately, turning his attention fully to Eddie in the hopes of getting the other man to see he’s telling the truth. “Maybe I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes as I did.”

“Maybe? _You_ don’t even sound so sure of your own excuse there, Buck,” Eddie huffs, glancing away for a moment before turning back to him with a resigned sigh. “Look, whatever you thought you were doing – just don’t. I can make my own decisions and mistakes. Whether or not I get someone’s number isn’t up to you, and you had no right to make that decision for me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Buck ducks his head guiltily, racking his brain for some way to make it up to Eddie. If Eddie really wants that number then Buck could go back to the area of the scene after work to try and find the lady again, but there’s no guarantee she even lives in that area. “I can go back after my shift ends and find her again-"

“It’s not about that.” Eddie cuts him off. “I don’t believe for a second that you did that because of LAFD code of conduct rules. I just want the truth, Buck. _Why_ did you do it?”

Buck shrugs, already knowing that Eddie is going to call him his bluff – which he does – but not really sure how to tell Eddie the truth without damaging their friendship _._ When the older man huffs in disapproval at his half-assed answer, Buck tries again. “I really don’t know – I just did it without thinking, and by the time I’d realized what I’d done it was too late and I already looked like a major ass.”

Eddie keeps Buck locked in his intense gaze as he mulls over the younger man’s chosen answer. “I don’t believe you.”

“What?”

“I _don’t_ believe you.”

“Why not?” Buck frowns. 

“I think you know exactly why you did it but you don’t want to tell me.” Buck doesn’t even get the chance to respond before Eddie starts talking again. “Were you jealous? Is that it? Jealous that someone else was getting a phone number from a pretty girl at the scene instead of you?"

If anyone else had said that, Buck probably would have felt like an animal being poked while it's hackles are already raised. But, coming from Eddie, there's less bite to it. He knows Eddie is being genuine, curious to know if that is really why Buck acted like a bratty child earlier.

"No. I don't care about _her_ , at all."

"Then, what-"

"I care about you. I care that she was giving _her_ number to you." Buck feels like his filter has been ripped away suddenly as the words just barrel their way out of his mouth, cutting Eddie off before he can change his question. "I am all too aware of how selfish it sounds, but I don't _want_ other people giving you their numbers. I don't _want_ you to go out for coffee with someone else while I sit in your house with Christopher. I don't _want_ you to find someone else."

"Then, what do you want, Buck? All I'm hearing right now is a list of things that you don't want to happen."

"I can't have what I want."

"Why not?" Eddie frowns.

"Because it'd ruin everything." Buck plays with the corner of the tissue his snack is sitting on as a way to avoid the other man's gaze. He freezes all movement, though, as Eddie replies, unsure how to process the words.

"Who said that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters down, 1 to go.
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> I appreciate all the kudos I get on my works, and I also love reading your comments - and reply to all of them ASAP - so feel free to leave one.
> 
> See you next chapter 😉


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!  
> We made it, folks 😁

"Well…?" Eddie prompts, still waiting for an answer.

Buck shrugs, determined not to look Eddie in the eye lest he spill even more of his secrets. He's not stupid, though, and they both know each other too well for the tactic to last that long. Plus, Eddie is a trained soldier, literally taught to hold out for long periods of time, so he could wait Buck out all day and the younger of the pair would still be the first to break. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"The truth, preferably."

The blonde sighs, fully aware that he's not going to win this little standoff and that he's dangerously close to the real slippery slope of potentially ruining everything. Even if Eddie _is_ seemingly saying that he's not ruining anything. Yet.

"It just would." Buck finally gives in. "It'd ruin everything and then you'll leave like everyone else and I can't-"

"Is that what this is about? Me leaving?" Eddie jumps in, motioning for Buck to stop his steady descent into rant territory.

Buck doesn't really know how to answer that, and his inner dilemma must show pretty clearly on his face as Eddie decides to carry on as if he'd received an answer.

"Buck, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me. And Chris. You're _not_ going to lose us."

"But I will. I nearly just did. You're going to meet someone and then there'll be no more **_buckandeddie_** as a package deal - you'll belong to someone else and I won't even be a thought in your mind anymore." Buck finally breaks, filter completely broken and lying somewhere in the recesses of his mind as his true thoughts and feelings barrel past and spill from his lips. "You and Christopher are already every single one of my thoughts and it kills me to know that I'm not yours."

"How do you know you're not?" Eddie edges closer. "I think of you all the damn time - when I wake up, before I fall asleep, during every free moment. I can't even stop thinking about you when you're sitting right next to me, when you're right _there_ , and I could physically touch you without barely moving a muscle."

Buck nearly does a double take, genuinely questioning if his mind is playing tricks on him. Never in a million years would Buck have thought he'd ever hear those words leave Eddie's lips, directed towards him. Not some other person. Him. Buck. "Wait what?"

Eddie huffs in amusement, nowhere near offended by Buck's apparent inability to process what he's hearing. "You're _always_ in my thoughts, Buck. You have been since basically the day we met, and you've never once left them. At this rate, you'll be a permanent feature in my thoughts for the rest of my life and I am completely fine with that prospect."

"But what about…?" Buck trails off, doubting his own ability to understand what Eddie seems to be implying with that statement. He can't be talking about what Buck thinks he's talking about, right? Like, surely not?

"About her?" Eddie finishes his question for him, shaking his head with an amused huff when Buck briefly meets his gaze before darting his gaze away to look at anything other than Eddie. "I don't care that some girl gave me her number. Not when the person I do care about already plays a major part in my life - in my son's life too." 

Buck glances once again at Eddie, trying to read him the same way the other man always does him, and is surprised to find the older man showing his feelings about the situation more clearly than ever - no walls, no hiding, just clear as day across his face and in his body language. "Eddie, I-"

He doesn't get very far into any response before Eddie cuts him off again, seemingly determined to get his point across and fully understood by the younger man. "I wasn't going to call or text her, anyway."

Buck lets out his own huff of amusement, waiting for Eddie to at least finish his sentences before hushing the other man, lightly cupping his palm over Eddie's mouth with a shy smile as Eddie falls silent and meets his gaze with no hesitation. He takes his hand away once he's sure the other man is actually going to let him speak this time.

"I get what you're saying - I think, but maybe that's just my brain running away with things so, please, let me know if I'm completely off base here - anyway… I care about you too, and Christopher, and I guess it's only fair to say, for the record, that you're both stuck with me too. I'm sometimes a little slow on the uptake, I make mistakes, and I have a thing for acting without thinking things through - take today, for example - but I love you guys and I don't ever want to lose either of you."

Eddie smiles, stepping closer and tapping his fingertips teasingly against Buck's hip as the blonde plays with Eddie's shirt collar with a shy but content smile of his own. "We're very much on the same page here, don't worry."

Buck bites his lip, meeting Eddie's gaze through his lashes, looking at the other man with as much faux innocence as he can muster right about now. "Does that mean you're not upset about the number?"

Eddie raises an eyebrow, though, Buck can see the amusement dancing in his eyes. "Which part? The fact you _stole_ it from me in front of the person giving it to me? Or the fact that you've made sure I haven't been able to get my hands on it _at all_?"

"Both?"

Eddie chuckles, shaking his head. "No, Buck, I'm not mad about it. But your innocent act isn't fooling anyone either; I know you're not sorry for making sure I didn't get the number, and I have no doubt that you've gotten rid of it - somehow - by now."

"I _am_ sorry." Buck insists. "If you had really wanted the number back then I'd have figured out some way to get it again for you."

"Good thing I don't need it then," Eddie leans up, pressing his lips to Buck's forehead in a brief kiss before looking Buck in the eyes again. "I appreciate the effort you would have put in, even though it would have hurt you."

"Always." Buck says resolutely, no hesitation at all in his voice. "I'd do nearly anything you asked if it made you happy."

" _Nearly_ anything?" Eddie frowns.

"Yeah," Buck nods, grinning mischievously at the older man. "See, I have a weak spot for you Diaz's that leaves me with a tendency to say yes to whatever you guys want. But, to be a good role model and coparent, I need to learn to say no sometimes. In fact, you're the one that gave me that advice."

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to make me rue the day I said that?"

Buck shrugs, shooting Eddie another faux innocent smile that turns into more of a smirk when Eddie releases a put upon sigh, waiting for whatever Buck is about to say while knowing he might regret leaving the opportunity open for the blonde to respond.

"Because you just might."

"Fuck. What have I done?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, all, for reading.
> 
> I appreciate every single one of you that has left me feedback in the comments and/or left a kudo.
> 
> See you around 😜👋

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you spot any mistakes so I can get them fixed ASAP 😜


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